102 - What drives your commitment?
What drives your commitment?
One of my favorite authors and podcasters, Gretchen Rubin, has developed a framework to describe how people react to outer and inner expectations. She calls it the four tendencies. My tendency is that of an obliger. I respond favorably to outer expectations but often fail to meet inner expectations.
In practice, that means I have very little trouble meeting the expectation to you, my newsletter subscribers, to send a newsletter every Monday. You all provide that outer expectation. However, when I tell myself I'm not going to snack after 7 p.m. I often fail to meet that expectation because it is an inner expectation I've put on myself.
Having this knowledge about myself is really important. I know that if I want to do something and be successful at it, I often need outer accountability. I was thinking about this on one of mine and Kona's recent walks - which we're accountable to because we're trying to earn our AKC Fit Dog titles this year. Games, points, and streaks - along with accountability to other people - are some of my favorite tools to drive commitment. I have a 143 day learning streak going in DuoLingo and a 120 day reading streak going in Bookly - my reading app. Streaks are also popular in things like Wordle but I'm more motivated to do the NY Times games if my sister or a friend text me and tell me how they did on the games that day.
Being able to use easily available tools like these is really helpful. As I work on manifesting wellness this year, I've also been thinking a lot about how I get myself to do other things that don't have that kind of accountability built into them. While oftentimes those closest to you are poor partners in accountability, Gayle is a really beneficial helper to me in this way. If I tell her I intend to do something, she'll ask about my progress - even being willing to brave my wrath when I'm not in the mood to be asked. My calendar is another beneficial helper to me. For a long time in my life, my calendar - with great help from my former executive assistant Becky - told me where to be and when to be there. As such, I am pretty programmed to do what my calendar tells me to do. So, putting something on the calendar is often all it takes to get me to do something.
These kinds of tools can also hurt your motivation if you're not clearly aware of why they are important to you. Recently, I made it to the "Diamond League" of DuoLingo's learning platform. This is a weekly competition against 30+ other random people also in that "league" where you have to stay in the top 20+ spots in that league or in the top 5+ spots to advance to another league. I got a notification one Sunday evening, after I'd already spent about 30 minutes practicing DuoLingo earlier in the day, that I was going to fall out of the Diamond League. My initial reaction was intense irritation - and almost to the point of saying - "who cares about my streak." As the irritation cleared, I thought about why I'm doing DuoLingo - and it has nothing to do with these "leagues". I do like the social aspect of the app - with my real human friends who also use the app. I don't care at all about competing with random strangers in a league system that means nothing to me. If I could even turn the league feature off at this point, I'd do so.
When you have to make behavioral change - and you have to do so quickly - understanding how these types of tools work for you can be really important. Starting radiation means keeping to a low fiber diet for several weeks - and basically cutting out all fresh fruits and vegetables. Something that is very hard for me - especially as we are coming into prime fresh produce time here in the midwest. I love to experiment with different ways of getting myself to do the things I want to do so that I can learn what works for me. That helps at times like this when making the switch - and doing it immediately - will help me make it through something tough just a little more easily.
What are your favorite tools for helping you stick to a commitment? What derails your commitments? How do you respond to outer expectations? To inner expectations? Hit reply or drop a comment in the Substack app. I'd love to hear from you.
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What My Friends Published: I’m changing up this section this once again this week to celebrate my friend R.J. Nestor releasing his book The Rhythms of Productivity. I’m almost done with The Rhythms of Productivity. I highly recommend it. R.J. has beautifully blended together his love of all things productivity and note-taking with his vast musical knowledge. It’s a fun note-nerd read.
Keep Up With My Cancer Journey: If you’re reading this on Monday when it’s first released, I start 25 external radiation sessions today. I have a post planned to go up yet this week about how things are going. If you’d like to follow along in more detail on this journey, you can request access to my Cancer Journey website at https://www.mylifeline.org/invitation/Monroe4702670/c4d9a0945939697870a9267ec2cd951230b25b0e9f023ca466233659967b5e46
A Slight Change of Plans: This week’s essay was inspired by listening to a back episode of the podcast “A Slight Change of Plans.” If you’d like to listen to more of this episode, you can check it out at https://www.pushkin.fm/podcasts/a-slight-change-of-plans/the-science-of-change.
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