With apologies to the great Lin-Manuel Miranda for the remix of My Shot, I can’t resist a good Hamilton reference - especially when it is so perfect for what I want to chat with you about this week - talking.
I had chats with four different friends who happen to be colleagues this week that all revolved around the topic of talking. I shared some thoughts and I learned some things. I wanted to share some of that with all of you.
A colleague reached out to me after a meeting and asked if she had talked too much in the meeting. A bit later in the week another female colleague who I am in many meetings with said that she tries really hard not to talk too much in meetings. This disappoints me because I know her to be deeply thoughtful and smart - she has a lot of value to add to conversations.
In talking with both women I shared a few pieces of advice I think are appropriate coaching to any woman who is trying to use her voice in a way that it will be heard in the workplace. All of this is offered with the additional coaching that women are still underheard in the workplace. This story from the first term of the Obama Administration is still one of my favorite of how women in the workplace banded together to make sure that they were all heard.
I will never tell a woman they talk too much. While I’ve been labeled a “talker”, I feel like this is a masked way, often used by other women, to silence women.
Build on points of others only when adding a new dimension to the conversation. I have come to hate the term "man-splaining". I've had many a man do it to me. However, I've also had women do it right over the top of me. To try to avoid doing this to someone else, if I want to clarify something someone said, I'll ask if I may paraphrase them to seek clarification.
If you do feel like you’re dominating a conversation, then speak first once and let others speak first from then on.
I try to be mindful of how many times I speak in comparison to others. This has become important especially since I am in a position of power. I can think the conversation is going really well simply because I am the one doing most of the talking. If you are in a position of power, speak last or at least late in the conversation.
As I reflected on this topic, I’ve decided that my goal in conversations needs to become using my words as a way to create space and invitation for others to speak. This involves asking questions, probing deeper and seeking to understand. I also love the idea of amplifying the comments of others who may not be being heard in a conversation through the strategy outlined in the article above.
While I was already thinking about this topic, another colleague shared something with me that is another way to think about how to make sure your words truly matter when you use them. I think this is more important for women in positions of power as we are truly in the minority in board rooms across the country. As such, we often have to use words carefully to ensure our message doesn’t get lost. This colleague shared the model of “WAIT - Why Am I Talking” which I’d not heard of before.
[Image courtesy of http://audiencestack.com, Creative Commons license]
How do you decide when to add to a conversation? What strategies to you use to be heard? What strategies do you use to help others be heard?
A quote and a note
I’ve always been a collector of quotes. I want to share them. I’ll add a brief note to each one.
"We must accommodate life’s challenges, some welcome and others quite painful, but we don’t want the verities of our lives to change. " - President Jimmy Carter in Faith
First, I love President Carter. As a child, I could not understand how Ronald Reagan beat him as President. While I still think President Carter was an exceptional President, I love the way my friend Russ described him once, “He has been the most effective former President we have ever had.” So true.
This quote popped up in Readwise this week and it just seemed so appropriate to 2020.
A tool and a tip
I love technology. Lately though I’ve been thinking about how I need to make sure that my technology defaults are things that actually make my life better and easier. I’ll use this section to share a tool and a tip with you.
Panda Planner by Rocketbook
This is a part analog-part digital tool. I am so excited about it, I made my first ever YouTube video to show it off a bit - the Panda Planner by Rocketbook. Watch the video to learn more.
Video editing is one of those things that has been on my “you should learn how to do this” list for a long time. Clearly I have much to learn. Hopefully in another 100 videos I’ll look back at how cringe worthy the blurriness and the lack of nice gentle audio transitions is. That said, we can’t learn if we never try so thanks for indulging me.
What would you like to know about the Rocketbook? The Panda Planner? Should I make more videos? If so, what would you like to learn about?
Zoom in in Zoom
My colleague Catherine almost brought a meeting to a halt this week when she shared this little tip with all of us. While viewing a Zoom meeting, you can Zoom in on the share. Look for the green bar on your screen that pops up after the screen share. Click the far right end of it where it says “View Options”. One of these will allow you to control the Zoom. Select an option and notice that you can now scroll and see the screen a bit better.
What bugs you that you’d like a tech tip on? I love making technology work better for people.
Just for Fun
Since this week’s topic is about talking, I thought I’d share Stella the talking dog. You can follow Stella on her Instagram account. Stella’s human writes about the work she is doing to teach Stella to talk. She’s writing a book about how to teach your own dog to talk. This will absolutely be a project when I get a dog the day after I retire.
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It may also stem from being an natural introvert, and I try to overcompensate at times to help myself get over that. 😂
I joke that “I am Hamilton” because of that very line. Lol But seriously I am a passionate person and I get excited. I like to contribute. I acknowledge that I often have to remind myself to not just jump in and speak for the sake of speaking.
Is this an example of that? Maybe. But it’s mainly to let you know that I enjoy your posts and that they are relevant and helpful. So thank you.