86 - The Power of Not Yet
The Power of Not Yet
TL;DR:
Limitations come from both internal and external sources
Honoring your boundaries is one of the most essential - and perhaps even the only real form of self care
When I had my hysterectomy on October 25 the only significant obstacle to being on my own and doing my own things was a 10 lb lifting restriction that was (and still is as I type this) in place. [And, to be clear, I’ve been incredibly well supported throughout my recovery by family, friends, and most especially Gayle. I’m incredibly grateful I’ve not had to worry one bit about being on my own through recovery.] If all continues to go well with surgical recovery, I should get cleared to start lifting again on December 6. This limitation, which I never would have thought about before but now I have to think about any time I do something as simple as scoot a chair in, has made me think a lot about the importance of honoring boundaries - both permanent and temporary - our “not yets”.
Several reads and listens lately have posited the idea that honoring our own boundaries is the most essential form of self care. I found myself easily nodding along in agreement. While a massage or a walk in nature feels good in the moment, it is only possible because I claimed and maintained a boundary around the time it takes to get that massage or take that walk. If someone has a negative impact on my energy or even my mental health, placing boundaries around how much time I spend with that person or even going so far as to say that I won’t spend time with that person at all is another one of the most critical forms of self care. And, it all starts with maintaining healthy boundaries.
Quite often though, we can let our current boundaries limit our ability. In places where we need growth - where we need to stretch our boundaries - we need to employ the idea of “not yet”. I can’t lift more than 10 lbs - yet. I will be able to do it again - and relatively soon. But I can’t do it yet. Where one of my biggest challenges with yet comes in is learning a foreign spoken language. I’ve conquered much of the languages of music and math but speaking/conversing in a foreign language like Spanish or French has been a big challenge for me - regardless of how much I want to learn, I’ve struggled. That said, as I know I need to keep my brain as stimulated as possible through the remainder of my cancer treatment, I’m doubling down on “not yet” and pledging to do Duolingo Spanish practice every day that I’m able to do so for at least 15 minutes.
This concept of “not yet” thinking is critical in learning something new as well as managing our own expectations about our abilities. I’ve been walking a lot since surgery. My time my first day was incredibly slow and I didn’t go very far. I’ve made slow, steady progress each day in both time and distance. I can now do 2+ miles easily and at a pace that gets a little better each time. Making time for those walks is critical to my self care just as much as realizing that I’m getting a little faster and going a little farther each day. I’m measuring myself against the progress I made yesterday - not where I was 6 years ago when I was walking 5+ miles every day. If you want to measure progress, measure from right now and always measure backwards. Don’t measure against the goal you want to reach. Measure against the progress you are making in the moment.
What boundaries have been most valuable to you to set? Where do you need to focus on removing a mental or physical boundary you’ve put in place for yourself and employ “not yet” thinking instead of “I’ll never get this” thinking? Where are you measuring yourself against an ideal instead of against your own current progress?
Some Things You Might Find Interesting
What I published: As I mentioned last week, I’m working on several longer pieces. Some of these are tied to classes I already have or I am working on launching in the next few months. Others are related to my cancer journey and yet others are related to some of the ideas and plans I have for 2024. I published one of those pieces - something related to ideas for 2024 but I’m actually putting in place now - how I rate and review content. I published a first draft of my content rating system this week and I’ve already starting using it. You can read it on Hive or Medium.
Keep Up With My Cancer Journey: Last week, Gayle and I met with the medical and radiological oncologist. They laid out a treatment plan. I will start chemo on December 6. If you’d like to follow along on this journey, you can request access to my Cancer Journey website at https://www.mylifeline.org/invitation/Monroe4702670/c4d9a0945939697870a9267ec2cd951230b25b0e9f023ca466233659967b5e46
Rocumentaries: We’re a big fan of documentaries over here. I just came across this database of documentaries at https://rocumentaries.com/. You can search for different topics and see a number of documentaries. It’s not complete by any stretch of the imagination but it does give you some jumping off points to find some decent content.
The Irrational: Gayle and I binged several episodes of the new NBC show “The Irrational” over the weekend. The crime procedural drama genre is one of my/our favorites. And I love a show where you might learn something while you watch. The Irrational is based on the 2008 book Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions by Dan Ariely. After watching a few episodes of the show, the book is definitely going on my “to be read” list. Check out the wikipedia page for the book if you’d like an idea of some of the things Ariely argues in the book and Jesse L. Martin as Professor Alec Mercer, uses to solve crimes in the show.
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