I met a friend I used to work with for coffee this morning. We got caught up on all the parts of our lives that you don't see on social media. While we text each other from time to time in between our coffee meetings, it's these get togethers that allow us to really connect deeply.
There are two elements to our coffee meeting that I think relate to the aspect of relationships. First, we met through work and neither of us work there anymore (a statement I can make about many of the folks I used to work with). I learned quickly who my real friends were and they were those who first checked in on my so graciously and kindly in the aftermath of that moment but who then also regularly returned my messages when I checked in on them. While I had no reason to, I felt like I'd abandoned them. A few relationships have fallen off but most are still very close - and the best part is now they are much deeper because we get together socially rather than only at work. This has been a huge upside to keeping friends with the folks I formerly called colleagues and friends and now happily simply get to call friends.
The second element to this though is that I am an introverts introvert. I LOVE being alone. I always have. I have to work HARD to force myself to spend out in my physical energy to give it to others. I know the rewards are immense when I do but it's an effort every time - even with those I deeply love and care about. Multiple times this morning, I said to my friend "I'm just not good at keeping relationships moving" - and it's true. I'm not. But, it's an area that as I'm working my way through this series I know I need to invest some more time in - and perhaps even change my phrasing in my own personal framework for wellness. This is an area in Gretchen Rubin's vital 9 that is quite simply called Relationships and I have no directly corresponding area in my personal wellness framework. I have Celebrate each day which is to remember to enjoy the gift of each day and celebrate both my own and others victories with them as well as cultivate an attitude of gratitude which is pretty self explanatory...but I think I need something else. I'm going to work on that and report back at the end of this little mini series.
And, as I give you your action items for today, I'm going to send a text to a friend that we chatted about over coffee this morning ad see if they can go to dinner sometime before the holidays. Here are your questions to consider as you decide if relationships should play a role in your personal framework for wellness.
Recall from our episode on Energy that I asked you who in your life boosts your energy and who depletes it. Review those answers. Do you need to spend some more time with your energy boosters to help you gain energy?
Who have you said, "I've been meaning to call, drop a note to, etc" that you haven't done? Hit pause and do it right now. I'll be here when you get back.
I just wrote an essay in my newsletter on not letting perfect be the enemy of done...don't have time to write a long flowery letter which is what you planned...send a quick email that says you miss them, have been thinking of them or just wanted to say hi and you'd love to connect again soon. I can almost guarantee you they will smile when they see your name in their inbox.
Who do you need to spend more time with in your life because they will make your life better. These are not shoulds or coulds - these are people you think "I want to spend more time with..."
Finally, I'm going to do a full episode on this just after this mini-series wraps up but I want you to start thinking about who is on your personal board of directors.
My dear friend Tracy Winchell has been writing this lovely series on kindness - and her most recent issue is called accept that whom you cannot change. I will link to it in the show notes for this episode (https://roamanjournals.com/posts/kindness-accept-that-whom-you-cannot-change). --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/iwannabeme/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/iwannabeme/support
13 - My ongoing struggle with building and maintaining relationships