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A few weeks ago, I wrote an article in my newsletter introducing the acronym GATE. Today, I'm going to share that acronym with you and expand on it a bit. And, it's time for me to introduce Kona the pup to you because you'll hear about him a lot on this podcast. He's one of my best teachers.
I live in a lovely little ranch style condominium. Most of the outdoor care is done by the condo association but I am free to have a small patio garden and some containers with flowers and plants around the house.
Each summer, I put out a few tomato and cucumber plants and try to play around with flowers and a few extra garden plants.
This past summer, I watered the plants nearly every evening since it was a very dry summer. As I watered the garden, I let Kona roam around using the 20 foot leash which was connected to the fence.
Kona is my exuberant little 25 lb black miniature double doodle - or as my best friend says - a bougie dog. Kona loves all people and just wants to play and express his love for everyone. He does that, chases balls, eats and then spends the rest of his days sleeping to rest up for his next adventures.
My plan with Kona's 20 foot leash worked great all summer _until_ one day in early September when a combination of exposure to the sun and the elements - and seeing our neighbor dog Jack (a Yorkie who doesn't give Kona the time of day) - caused Kona to break that leash in two. Happily Jack's only injuries in the entire event were emotional.
So, I finally caved and bought one of those metal tie outs leashes. I've always thought it was overkill for my little 25-ish pound doodle, but apparently Kona needs stronger boundaries than a canvas leash exposed to the elements can provide.
The old leash was 20 feet so I assumed adding 10 feet would give him enough wiggle room he could get around to where he needed to - even with it now staked to the ground - so I ordered a 30 foot line. I introduced it to him in our front yard with his favorite tennis ball. Even though I was careful to throw the ball far less than even 20 feet - he still hit the end of this new line at top speed a few more times than either of us would like at first. And that made him skiddish to even go after the ball sometimes.
As I watched Kona adjusting to his new boundaries it helped me see something about boundaries. His boundaries are clearly defined to me and I tried very hard to help him respect them. However, to him, the exact boundaries are unclear and it takes a lot of trial and error - and even the occasional literal pain in the neck as he hit the end of that line at top speed.
From the outside looking in, it's easy to say to someone that they need to define their boundaries but from the inside, finding where those boundaries should be isn't all that easy.
When we are trying to set our boundaries in life, our lines are much less clear than a 30 foot steel cable. As I was trying to think of how we might identify those boundaries more readily the acronym GATE emerged.
Goals - Is what you're being asked to do or what you are considering doing aligned with your values-based goals? If not, then it should be outside of your boundaries and you should say no if at all possible.
Attention - Is this something you'd normally give your attention to if you weren't being asked to/required to? If not, how can you move it/keep it outside of your boundaries?
Time- Does this occur at a time that aligns with your values for how you spend your time? If not, how can you move it to a time that does or decline the opportunity in an appropriate manner?
Energy - Does the th --- Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/iwannabeme/message Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/iwannabeme/support
2 - Use GATE to find your boundaries